The other day I was sitting around at the gym (you know that’s my favorite place) chatting with a couple of male friends after my workout. These are super nice guys. We were talking about what was going on in our lives, nothing very important, when the conversation turned to politics. It was about Guantanomo Bay and the prisoners, and of course, Nancy Pelosi’s name came up. My one friend then says, “Nancy Pelosi’s a good-looking woman, though.” We were gathering our things up and getting ready to leave. Then he paused and said, “I mean, for her age.”
Naturally I had to challenge this. I mean, I’m a female, right? So I get very huffy and say, “Oh, why does it have to be FOR HER AGE?” Poor guy looked a little flummoxed. Then I say (melodramatic but jokingly), “That kills me. You might as well have stabbed me in the heart.” So I start walking up the steps with him behind me protesting his innocence. I was secretly just giving him a hard time for the fun of it — it’s not like I haven’t said the same things myself, and about men – but then I got to thinking, “Why do we have to qualify that statement when we’re talking about someone over the age of 40?”
When I got home I googled Nancy Pelosi and it turned out she’s 69. Then I thought, “Geez, she really DOES look good for her age.” But I had to pause. I mean, we go to the gym and work out 5-6 times a week, we exfoliate, we bleach our teeth, and the most we can hope for is “She looks good for her age???”
A couple of days later I’m at the gym and my friend shows up. There’s another lady on a mat between us, stretching after her workout. So I go up to my friend — I’ll call him Joe – and say, “I googled Nancy Pelosi after we talked the other day and guess what?” He says, “She’s the same age as you.” To which I responded by pelting him with one of my ankle weights.
Hi Judy!
It’s your old cyber-buddy!
I love your thoughts on this subject as it occupies my very vain mind a lot. I know its not realistic to think I could look like the fresh faced young woman I once was but I hate when people tell me how good I look ‘for my age’. I have worked hard to look as good as I do now and its pretty damned good but I will never pass for 25 or 30 or even 40! Maybe early 40s in really flattering light?
It actually took me awhile to even admit to being over 50. Now I am kind of resigned to it even though my mind says how can this be true when I don’t feel it.
Do you also have the issues with trying to look stylish yet not age-inappropriate? I discussed this with my hair stylist this Sat who continues to insist my just above shoulder length hair doesn’t need to be shorter. I just don’t want to cross that line where it looks like I am trying to compete with people half my age. Trust me, as they say, I will always lose that battle.
Anyway, good thoughts and keep up the writing!
Hugs,
Jackie
It’s a nice vignette you’ve written. Do you feel like women are doubly-discriminated against for their age? Do you feel like they’re evaluated more for their looks as they age than when they’re young, or less?
Hello, Anon – Thanks for your response. Yes, I do think women are doubly-discriminated against for their age. It is pervasive in our society, starting with the media and Hollywood. Notice how there are no good romantic roles for women over 45; once a model reaches 35 she’s pretty much washed up; and men, in general conversation and probably in their thoughts, dismiss older women as not sexually attractive. You can fool people for a while by keeping your weight down, your hair colored, and your skin moisturized, but by the time you get to your mid-fifties, people just seem to KNOW you’re not in the game anymore. I have many gorgeous divorced women friends in their fifties, and I know what I’m talking about. Men in their fifties want women no older than 45; it’s a superficial world we live in, and for women, it’s doubly superficial.
However, my husband uses my beauty products and worries about his wrinkles fully as much as I do, and bleaches his teeth religiously, so it’s starting to spill over!
Hi Judy,
You are right on with this observation. I remember my mother being very upset with a doctor when she was in her 60′s, making the same comment to her.
Likewise, DH#1 was far more vain than I ever pretend to be. Thus he got a closed casket…..
Vic – Don’t they always say the male is far more vain than the female? Thus, the peacock…
I love this one. But the truth is that we all look good for our age now. Especially if you compare us to the generations before who gave so little thought to their health or fitness. I am not sure it is a male or female thing because I think my father in law looks amazing for his age. He is seventy and I always forget that. Great writing Judy. I am embarrassed that I missed so many of your posts. They are awesome.
Thanks, Ann! I am really enjoying writing these. It gives me something to look forward to and it’s funny how many topics I can think of in a day.
Let’s check each others’ posts out and leave comments, okay? We writers need to support one another!
Good One Jud!! You are always right on.
Your writing is exceptional for a person your age! Like going to the gym, don’t stop.
Later, Dave
Love your comment, Dave! You always make me laugh. Don’t you stop coming, either.
Thanks for reading it.
Judy